hestiaDignity in the first hours
- You can usually take time to sit with them. Ask the hospital, care home or hospice how long they can wait.
- You can ask that they are moved gently, covered, and treated with privacy.
- You can ask who will care for them and where they will be kept until the funeral.
- If your faith or family has rites for the body, such as washing, dressing or someone staying with them, say so at the first call.
Dignity in their care
- Ask whether the family can see them, help wash or dress them, or choose their clothes.
- Ask that their name, identity and appearance are respected as they lived. Gender, identity and dignity.
- Larger or taller people deserve the same care, with the right equipment and casket. Funerals for every body.
- Embalming is not required by law in Tennessee. You can choose a short private viewing or a closed casket instead.
Dignity in the money
Under the FTC Funeral Rule, funeral homes must give you an itemized price list, and you may choose only what you want. Nobody should rush you, shame you for choosing less, or tell you that spending more shows more love.
Read more: Federal Trade Commission · Shopping for funeral services
Dignity in the farewell
A farewell that sounds like them: their name, their music, the people who knew them. It doesn’t need to be large or expensive. Meaningful funerals and planning a celebration of life have ideas.
Dignity at the end of life
Much of what people mean by dying with dignity happens before death: being free of pain where possible, being where they want to be, and having their choices respected. Hospice and palliative care teams focus on exactly this. An advance directive and a health care agent let you say what treatment you want, and who speaks for you if you can’t.
Read more: National Institute on Aging · Advance care planning
“Death with dignity” laws
“Death with dignity” is also the name used for medical aid in dying laws. These let a terminally ill adult who meets strict conditions ask a doctor for medication to end their life. They exist in some states and Washington, D.C. Tennessee and North Carolina do not have one. Hestia doesn’t take a position on these laws; we mention them because the term is often searched.
If you are thinking about ending your life, you can call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, at any time.
Read more: Compassion & Choices · States with medical aid in dying
Dignity after death, decided by you
- Write down what you want: burial or cremation, the kind of farewell, clothing, music, who should speak. Write down your wishes, free.
- Say who you trust to make decisions, and give them a copy.
- Name anything about your care that matters: who may wash or dress you, modesty, your name and pronouns, your faith’s rites.
- If you are larger or taller, write down your height and weight, so your family isn’t caught off guard.
A page of wishes is not a will, an advance directive or a prepaid contract.
If you are thinking of prepaying
- Check the seller is registered with the state. In Tennessee, look it up at verify.tn.gov.
- Ask whether your money goes into a trust or an insurance policy, and whether prices are guaranteed.
- Ask if you can cancel and get money back, and whether the plan can move to another funeral home if you move.
- Keep the contract where your family can find it, not only in a safe deposit box.
Two words you will hear: at-need and pre-need
- At-need
- Arrangements made after someone has died. This is the funeral industry’s word for “we need to plan now”. Prices are usually taken from the funeral home’s current General Price List, which it must give you.
- Pre-need
- Arrangements made before a death, usually by the person themselves. It can mean two different things: pre-planning, writing down wishes without paying anything, or prepaying, signing a preneed contract and paying in advance.
- Preneed contract
- A signed agreement to provide funeral goods or services later, paid for now. In Tennessee, sellers must register with the state, use an approved contract, and place trust-funded payments with a qualified trustee.
Read more: Tennessee Department of Commerce and Insurance · Preneed sellers
Questions to talk through
- What would being treated with dignity mean to them, or to you?
- Who should be with them, and who should make decisions?
- Is there anything about their body, identity or faith the people caring for them must know?
A note on names
Dignity Memorial is a brand name used by funeral homes owned by Service Corporation International. It is a company, not a standard or a certification. Our price list page shows which listed homes belong to it.