Recognise the person as they were
Ask which name, pronouns, clothing, photographs, and descriptions reflect the person’s wishes. Include partners and chosen family as the person wanted. LGBTQ+ people may have specific concerns about how their identity and relationships will be represented at a funeral.
Read more: Marie Curie · Planning your own funeral, including LGBTQ+ wishes (UK)
Ask sensitively about care
Some families have preferences about the gender of those who wash, dress, or care for the body, and about modesty or who may be present. Discuss these privately with the provider or ritual-care team. Ask what they can accommodate without assuming a preference from someone’s gender or faith.
Read more: Muslim Council of Britain · Dignity and gender-sensitive care (PDF)
Keep private information private
Do not put someone’s gender history, former name, medical details, or private relationships into an invitation or public tribute without an appropriate basis in their wishes. Only share the details a helper needs. Gender identity should never be treated as a problem for a family to explain away.
Separate the ceremony from official records
The name used in a tribute and the information required on an official record may raise different questions. Ask the relevant local professional about official documents; this guide does not determine legal authority or documentation rules. If relatives disagree, a trusted, respectful facilitator can help centre the person’s expressed wishes.
Questions to talk through
You don’t need answers to all of these. Keep any that might help your family.
- How did they want to be named and remembered?
- Are there care, clothing, modesty, or participation preferences to discuss privately?
- Who should be included, and what information should not be shared?
Kept on this browser only, until you choose to bring them into the planning prototype.
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