If you need someone right now

Free, confidential, and there for you whatever time it is.

  • If the pain feels like too much, or you are thinking about not wanting to live: call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Or text HOME to 741741.
  • If you have been pregnant or given birth recently: 1-833-852-6262, the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline, call or text, 24 hours a day, English and Spanish.
  • To talk with a parent who has lived this: 877-969-0010, The Compassionate Friends.
  • If a baby died suddenly, or after stillbirth or miscarriage: 1-800-221-7437, the First Candle grief line.
  • If anyone is in danger right now, call 911.

Find support that fits

Tell us a little, and we’ll show the people and groups who can help. Nothing you choose here is saved or sent anywhere.

What happened?
What would help? Choose any.

Details come from each organization’s own website. Each organization is responsible for its own information, so please check their website for the latest times and numbers.

In the first hours

You don’t have to rush

In a hospital, you can usually spend time with your baby or child: hold them, bathe and dress them, read or sing to them. Brothers, sisters and grandparents can come too, if you would like. Ask whether the hospital has a cooling cot, which can give you more time together.

If you would like them, ask for photos, hand and footprints, a lock of hair, or their hospital bracelet. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep offers free remembrance portraits of babies by volunteer photographers; your nurse can often arrange it. Everything here is a choice, not something you should do.

If your baby or child died suddenly

When a baby or child dies suddenly or unexpectedly, the county medical examiner becomes involved. Staff and investigators may ask detailed questions, including about how your baby was sleeping, and there may be an autopsy. This happens for every family in this situation, and it is not an accusation. You can ask when you will be able to see and hold your child again, and when a funeral home can bring them into their care.

After a pregnancy loss

If your pregnancy ended before 20 weeks, the hospital or clinic will talk with you about what happens to your baby’s body. Ask what your choices are, including a private burial or cremation arranged through a funeral home, and ask how long you have to decide.

Looking after your body

If you gave birth, your body is recovering too. Keep your postpartum checkup, and call your doctor or midwife about heavy bleeding, fever, or anything that worries you. Your milk may come in. You can ask how to ease it, or you can donate it: Mothers’ Milk Bank Southeast in Murfreesboro has a program for bereaved parents. Either choice is fine.

Planning the funeral

Ask about lower fees

Many funeral homes lower or waive their own charges for babies and young children. Ask them directly, and ask for their General Price List, as you can with any funeral. Some cemeteries have a special section for babies and children. The TEARS Foundation can help with funeral costs for babies when funds are available.

Small is allowed

A farewell can be as quiet or as full as you want: in the hospital chapel, at home, at a graveside with only the two of you, or with everyone who loved your child. Brothers and sisters can take part by drawing a picture, choosing a toy or a song, or lighting a candle.

Papers

A funeral home usually files the death certificate. If your baby was stillborn at 20 weeks or later, or weighed 350 grams or more, a parent can ask Tennessee Vital Records for a Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth. It can carry your baby’s name, it is not a public record, and the fee is $15.

Time off work

If you gave birth, recovering from the birth is a medical reason for leave, including under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act if you qualify. Partners can ask their employer about bereavement leave. Hestia can help you write the email from your own inbox, so you only have to explain once.

Let others carry some of it

Someone close can tell people for you, keep the guest list, and organize meals. In a Hestia family space, the people helping you can share that work without asking you every question.

A private place for your family to plan your child’s farewell together, at your own pace.

Begin a family space

Brothers and sisters

Children understand more than we expect, and they cope better with simple, honest words. Say that their brother or sister has died, and what that means: their body has stopped working and won’t work again. Words like “lost” or “went to sleep” can frighten young children.

Let them ask questions and join in as much as they want. Alive Grief Center in Nashville has groups for children and teens, including a free camp for ages 8 to 17, and the Dougy Center program finder lists children’s grief programs across the country.

Later on

Grief after a child dies does not follow a schedule. It often comes in waves, and partners may grieve very differently. Both are normal. Due dates, birthdays and anniversaries can be especially hard; it can help to plan something small for those days.

Many parents find it helps to be with others who understand. Use Find support that fits above for groups near you or online. October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and in December The Compassionate Friends hold a worldwide candle lighting for children who have died.

If your grief stays very heavy, or you have thoughts of not wanting to live, please call or text 988 at any time.

This page is general guidance, not medical or legal advice. Hestia is not a crisis service. If you are in danger, call 911.

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