hestiaReadings and poems for a funeral
A reading gives the room a moment to be still. For people who think in words, it can say what the family cannot. It also gives a friend or grandchild a way to take part.
Choosing a reading
- Pick for them, not for the occasion. A line from a book they loved, a song lyric they quoted, a letter they wrote, all count.
- Shorter is kinder. One minute aloud is plenty. A reader who is crying will be grateful for it.
- Print it large. Give the reader a copy in big type, and a spare to the person sitting next to them.
- Ask before a religious service. Some churches and synagogues have set readings and may ask that others be read at the graveside or gathering instead.
The poems below are in the public domain, so you can print them in a program or order of service freely.
Psalm 23
From the King James Bible
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Often read at Christian funerals of every denomination.
Crossing the Bar
Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1889
Sunset and evening star, And one clear call for me! And may there be no moaning of the bar, When I put out to sea, But such a tide as moving seems asleep, Too full for sound and foam, When that which drew from out the boundless deep Turns again home. Twilight and evening bell, And after that the dark! And may there be no sadness of farewell, When I embark; For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place The flood may bear me far, I hope to see my Pilot face to face When I have crost the bar.
A good fit for someone who loved the water.
Remember
Christina Rossetti, 1862
Remember me when I am gone away, Gone far away into the silent land; When you can no more hold me by the hand, Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay. Remember me when no more day by day You tell me of our future that you planned: Only remember me; you understand It will be late to counsel then or pray. Yet if you should forget me for a while And afterwards remember, do not grieve: For if the darkness and corruption leave A vestige of the thoughts that once I had, Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad.
Gentle permission to go on living, in the voice of the one who died.
Requiem
Robert Louis Stevenson, 1887
Under the wide and starry sky, Dig the grave and let me lie. Glad did I live and gladly die, And I laid me down with a will. This be the verse you grave for me: Here he lies where he longed to be; Home is the sailor, home from sea, And the hunter home from the hill.
Short, and often chosen for someone who loved the outdoors.
If I can stop one heart from breaking
Emily Dickinson, published 1890
If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain.
For someone who spent their life looking after other people.
A Clear Midnight
Walt Whitman, 1881
This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless, Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done, Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou lovest best, Night, sleep, death and the stars.
Four lines, easy for a nervous reader.
Death, be not proud
John Donne, Holy Sonnet 10, 1633
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so; For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me. From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be, Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow, And soonest our best men with thee do go, Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery. Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men, And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell, And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then? One short sleep past, we wake eternally, And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
Defiant and hopeful, for a family of faith.
Other places to look
Ecclesiastes 3:1 to 8 (“To every thing there is a season”), John 14:1 to 3, and Romans 8:38 to 39 are common Christian choices. Many families also read from the Quran, the Bhagavad Gita, the Psalms in Hebrew, or the poetry of their own language. If you are writing your own words instead, help with words walks you through a eulogy.
Keep reading
Choosing music
Music says what is hard to put into words. How to choose songs and hymns for a funeral or memorial, where they fit in the service, and what to ask the venue.
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Why a ceremony still matters
Cremation is now the more common choice in the United States. It does not have to mean skipping the gathering. Why families still come together, and the forms it can take.
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