hestiaChoosing music for a funeral
Music lets a room feel something together without anyone having to speak. It is often the part of a funeral people remember longest.
Where music usually goes
- As people arrive. Quiet music while guests find their seats. A playlist of their favorites works well.
- During the service. One or two pieces, perhaps a hymn the whole room can sing, or a song played while photographs are shown.
- At the end. Something that lets people leave lifted rather than flattened. Many families pick the most “them” song for this moment.
Hymns families often choose
If they were a churchgoer, or the family would like something everyone knows: Amazing Grace, How Great Thou Art, It Is Well with My Soul, Abide with Me, In the Garden, The Old Rugged Cross, Be Still, My Soul, I'll Fly Away, Shall We Gather at the River, and Nearer, My God, to Thee.
Their songs
The truest choice is usually what they actually listened to. The record they played on Sunday mornings, the song from their wedding, the country song they sang badly in the truck. One family played a whole album while people arrived, and nobody spoke until it ended. If you are unsure, ask the grandchildren what was always playing.
Practical things to ask
- Can the venue play music from a phone or laptop, and who will press play?
- Is there an organist or pianist, and is there a fee?
- Are there rules about recorded or secular music during a religious service?
- If the service is streamed, some recorded music may be muted online. Live music usually is not.
A friend who plays an instrument, a grandchild who sings, or the church choir can make a single song unforgettable. It does not need to be polished to be right.
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Readings and poems
Classic poems and readings for a funeral or memorial, printed in full, with notes on choosing one and reading it aloud without rushing.
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Making it feel like them
Small, personal choices change how a funeral feels: the music they played, the things they made, the food they cooked. Ideas families have used, with nothing you have to buy.
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