Sympathy flowers and what they mean

A bouquet of white flowers — Photograph by Bob Oh on Unsplash

Flowers are one of the oldest ways to say what words cannot. They bring color and life into a hard room, and they tell the family that people are thinking of them.

What the flowers traditionally say

Lilies. The flower most linked with funerals, traditionally a sign that the soul is at peace.
Roses. White for reverence and innocence, red for love and respect, yellow for friendship.
Carnations. Long-lasting and fragrant. White for pure love, pink for remembrance.
Chrysanthemums. In the United States, a symbol of honor. In much of Europe and parts of Asia they are strongly tied to death and grief, so they suit some families better than others.
Orchids. Lasting love. A potted orchid keeps blooming for weeks after the service.
Gladioli. Tall spikes that stand for strength of character and sincerity.
Hydrangeas. Heartfelt emotion, and often planted in the garden afterward.

These meanings are tradition, not rules. Their favorite flower, or whatever grew in their garden, will mean more than any chart.

When flowers are not the custom

Flowers are not part of every tradition. At Jewish funerals they are usually not expected, and food for the family during shiva or a donation is a more familiar gesture. Many Muslim families keep the burial simple and may prefer prayers, food or a gift to charity. When in doubt, ask someone close to the family, or check the obituary.

“In lieu of flowers”

If the family asks for donations instead, give to the charity they named. A short card saying you gave in the person's name means a great deal. If you would like to send something anyway, a meal delivered to the house a week or two later is almost always welcome.

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