hestiaThe gathering after the funeral
The gathering after a funeral, sometimes called the repast, the reception or the wake, is often where the day finally exhales. People stop being careful. Stories come out. Someone laughs for the first time in a week.
Why it matters
A service is a little formal by nature. The gathering is where friends from different parts of a life meet each other, where the people who will help in the coming months find out who you are, and where you hear the stories you will keep.
Where to hold it
- At home, or at a relative's house.
- The church hall, community center or fellowship room. Many congregations will host and help with food.
- Their favorite restaurant, bar or diner. Ask about a back room.
- Somewhere that was theirs: a park pavilion, a lake house, a VFW post, a barn.
Keeping it simple
- Food does not need to be fancy. Sandwich trays, a pot of something warm, and dessert. Covered dishes from friends are a tradition for a reason.
- Let people help. When someone asks what they can do, give them a job: bring a dish, set up chairs, take the leftover flowers to a care home.
- Put out their things. Photographs, a guest book, their favorite music quietly in the background.
- Give it an end. Two or three hours is plenty. A friend can be the one who gently starts clearing up.
If family are traveling in, traveling to a funeral helps with the practical side. You can organize the gathering, who is bringing what, and who is staying where in a free family space.
Keep reading
Making it feel like them
Small, personal choices change how a funeral feels: the music they played, the things they made, the food they cooked. Ideas families have used, with nothing you have to buy.
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Flowers and their meanings
What different funeral flowers traditionally say, when flowers are and are not expected, and kind alternatives when a family asks for donations instead.
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